Functional programming! Declarative! Object-oriented! Strong typing, static, dynamic! The programming community certainly has put a lot of energy into deciding techniques and methodologies by argument. But is there persuasive experimental evidence about what truly helps and what hurts? Ah, that’s a good question, says Cameron Laird. With so many clear choices leading to such dramatic consequences, programming science surely has yielded important definite conclusions by now about how to code, right? Well, _no_.