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When a desktop programmer tries to write database applications for the browser, he faces a great many challenges, both technical and cultural. Both sets of challenges appear because the browser and the web were invented for purposes different than our own. On the technical side we must reinvent huge amounts of functionality that we got "for free" with the old desktop systems of Foxpro, Delphi, VB Classic and so on, and on the cultural side we must wade through mountains of irrelevant or downright damaging advice that is aimed at people working on the next version of Facebook or eBay. In this essay we look at as many of these challenges as I can muster.